Academic Achievers Pillows

"Why can't you be more like little Hester Prynne? She's getting straight A's."

"Your mother and I have seen your report card, and we've decided to distance ourselves from you."

'Don't blame me. They won't let me pray in school.'

"Before we begin, I just want to say how happy we are for this opportunity for an open-minded discussion about your complete failure to improve our son's academic performance."

'Being a brilliant,inspiring teacher is NOT adequate, Hackwell....'

"I can see that my having been class valedictorian still rankles."

'Drive a car? Can I do a term paper instead?'

'This is a great new computer-generated test. It's for first graders, and it tell you which graduate schools they'll qualify for.'

"I did all my homework last night. I couldn't find my phone."

Prefect.

"Dad, I know that you are an atheist, but now do you believe in miracles?"

'It's an obvious case of identity theft.'

'Obviously, the school board is giving an unfair advantage to gifted students.'

"Yes it's a great report card, all A's and B's... But I wonder how your teacher got your name wrong?"

"Your butler, your father and I are concerned that with grades like these, you'll just end up being part of the 99%."

"Let's just say my grades entered correction territory."

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

"Great! I've finally mastered all my competencies and my teachers still have most of their hair."

'You got straight A's? -- I thought that A's were little triangley things.'

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

'It's depressing to know your future depends on your father's investments.'

Our staff are very pleased, she's one of the brightest in her class. (What do you expect? I'm a genius!) I don't know where she gets it from...

GCSEs

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

'Forget about your 'abs' and 'pecs' and get to work on your 'maths' and 'science'.'

'I'm taking post-graduate work to learn how to read at least the fifth grade level.'

"Sure, I failed Math, but I passed History, English and Science. Two out of three ain't bad."

"A 'C' average on your report card? C'mon Baldo! You can do better than this!"

Graduate receives a tax bill instead of a diploma

'I'm bright enough. I just don't have the right connections.'

"School is a lot like life. It's hours and hours of boredom...interrupted by the occasional moment of panic."

"Well, Timmy's academic results show that he has an exceptional instinct, well above the standard "basic instinct"..."

U of Debt

"You've got a degree, why do you do this?"

"Birdbrain! I showed them: Through dedication and hard work, I now have a PhD..."