A Friend With A Pet Dachshund T-Shirts

'Will you be long?'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

Caveman's dog with head outside car window.

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"And for lot 27 we have another old tennis ball."

"This never happened."

Canine Scentipede

Christmas Pets

"Now there's something you don't see everyday. How long have you been using dachshunds as sled dogs.?"

'She still won't accept that she's the cat, and not the meow.'

I'm beginning to regret buying that Roomba.

'Out, damned Spot.'

"Humans are strange."

"Lori, I can’t talk right now — I’m right in the middle of updating my dog’s Facebook page."

"I think I'm beginning to embrace humiliation."

"I see you mister mail carrier... that's it, just keep walking... don't even think abo—did you just look at my house?! Are you looking for trouble? Cujo ain't got #!@* on me."

"...and yet it doesn't quite capture his thoughtful, contemplative side."

'Now, you're new here, but you should know the rules: I get Master's newspaper and slippers! Got that?'

Chasebook

Garbage Piñata

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

Unbeknownst to most, dogs are actually greedy bastards searching for gold,

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'I took your advice and got a long little doggy.'

Separation

Labrador Non-retriever

'We had him trained to stay off the furniture, right up until we gave up.'

The Tutankhamen Expedition 1908 (The Economy Version).

'It says here: while most dogs are family dogs, some dogs like one family member more. Do you think Fritzi is like that?'

Examination.