Zombie Film Aficionado Gifts

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Zombie standup

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

Dead Funny

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

'It's midnight, do you know where your brain is?'

"It's such a beautiful day. Why don't we go out and get someone to eat?"

Zombies.

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

"Alexa, play Thriller by Michael Jackson."

Check zombies.

Zombie pet tricks.

"I loved the bit where you hid under the seat."

'Hey, what am I, chopped liver?'

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

'I'd also like to welcome Henderson here, who joins us through Equal Opportunities for the undead.'

"Johnson, you're new here, right? Mind if I pick your brain?"

Monster Baseball

"Aaaaugh! It's the Zombie Alpacalypse!"

Zombie Problems

Cloud Cuckoo Land, "Earnest's invite had lied about there being a live band"

'The whole office is slack-jawed and drooling! It's either a zombie invasion or that smooth jazz you play on the intercom.'

Born of the Dead

"Really? You mean you’ve never smoked a joint?"

'I'm not saying I won't eat left-brained people's brains, but I prefer right.'

"I don't care what you read on your Facebook feed, the Covid vaccine will not turn you into a zombie flesh eaters."

'We can always hope he's a zombie.'

The Zombie Awakes...

"No thanks. I'm not interested in any handouts."