World Weary Mugs

"Can you make my vision a little worse? I don't like what I see in the world today."

'Now that's an afro!'

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

Sparkling Water

"I was sent down to the minors and from there to Europe, and one thing just led to another."

A tourist inadvertently destroying the place he is visiting

The only way to see the world is to see the world

A tourist watches a television on the back of a donkey

"Honey, can you read through our list and let me know if I forgot anything?"

Coronavirus world

"Aye, but this is the Cairngorms laddie. That'll be �1.15p."

'And, at those prices, we have two wheel well seats available.'

"Last Year we went to Peoria."

Easter Island Tours. Theories differ. Ernie believes they were used to display a selection of giant wigs.

"We are now boarding priority travellers. Please be ready to present an air of entitlement."

Ghosts from around the world

'If you've brought us gifts we don't want any more Des O'Connor records!'

"For an extra charge, your flight can come with angst and insecurity."

Touring Holidays - On the P***

"All the other passengers have collected and gone so well just have to admit they're ours!"

"You are going home to Quarantine? What a lovely name for a daughter!"

'We decided to get out and spend the kids inheritance. Unfortunately they insisted on coming with us!'

"It's 40 degrees in Europe. Maybe we should take that Paris trip we always talk about, and get away from this oppressive heat."

Airline: Arrivals, Departures, Missing Luggage and Missing Planes.

"You overpacked again."

'Ecchh! Six weeks on the road! - Lousy food, lousy motels. . . but there's good, too. . . like heading back home.'

'Sorry, but I had trouble with train story-problems in math, when I was a kid too.'

They were American tourists, visiting gay Paree...and yet this was a Mexican stand off??

"Sorry, but it's one in one out."

'You're checking in for our flight--you don't have to play max coins.'

"It isn't always all about you, Cindy."

"Is it possible to put in in a coma until after the election?"

"I'm not getting out of bed. What's the point? Things keep getting worse every day. Even my toothbrush depresses me... I'll just continue sleeping until the world comes to its senses." "Amen."

'Where's the Eiffel Tower?'

'Here is your room with a minibar.'