Workplace Wellness Wizard T-Shirts

Performance Management: "We decided to get rid of the stick and just use the carrots."

Businessman uses yoga moves while reviewing financial news on computer

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

"Well, all the symptoms of just another typical case of burnout, I'm afraid."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"It's my intelligence, talent and hard work that have got me to the top."

'Do you really think shoulder-to-wheel and nose-to-grindstone are valid yoga positions?'

Office Ergonomics.

"It's hard to keep good people."

"What's this I hear about you not having an ulcer?"

'It's noble of you to want to keep your employees happy, but I can't help by prescribing something for them.'

'Not only will it do the work of ten people, it will scare 40% more work out of the rest of the employees.'

'Thyme heals all wounds.'

'Many of our employees are under a lot of pressure. This keeps them from getting the bends if they begin to unwind too quickly.' (Decompression chamber)

Start the session by doing something unusual.

"To be honest, most of our work involves reassuring patients until nature cures them..."

Doctor with pump: 'Hold on a second while I inflate his ego.'

I got the raise

"My sensitivity trainer says I have to say 'good morning.'"

"I'd like you to consider some of our exciting career opportunities working for anyone else but me."

"So I can eat better here at work."

'I hear they've named a new stress syndrome after me.'

If you know that you would benefit from a 15 minute nap during the day, do your best to take one.

a crash-test dummy is performing some affirmations before going to work

'What does carpal tunnel syndrome feel like?'

Office Safety.

'But boss, this will keep my muscles from getting fatiqued.'

"The company offers free Yoga and aerobics. You'll bend over backwards and jump through hoops."

Healthy and happy workers are productive workers!

Jenkins won't be here today. He just called in healthy.

'You're right, Haskell, I should get more exercise. Tomorrow I'm turning your office into a gym.'

"Why did you just dump my kiwi-colada smoothie on my head?" "I'm glad you (huff) asked." "Studies (huff) show that sitting all (huff) day long behind a desk leads (huff) to obesity, sickness, (huff) toe-swelling (huff) and an early, (huff) excruciating (huff) death." "So more (huff) and more (huff) office workers are using (huff) standing desks (huff) with treadmills." "Have you ever (huff) tried handing someone (huff) a smoothie while running (huff) on a treadmill?" "They walk. ...walk."

"Goodbye, masked consultant. And thanks for reducing our inefficiencies."

'People aren't happy enough...I want a 15% increase in happiness by the 1st of the month or heads will roll!'