Workplace Stagnation Pillows

Still Here

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

'He got a raise but not enough to help him clear the fence.'

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

"I need to see your budget proposal."

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

'Salaries Manager. No.'

Welcome to the Team

"Rolled-up sleeves, no coat, loose tie...it's my casual confrontational look."

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'