Workplace Reality Checker T-Shirts

Staff. Manager. So then you must say "I refuse to lift weights." Hey, that's not what I expected when I hired you to be a resistance training instructor!

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

Rumors, lies and innuendo.

Skeptic: Critical Thinking, Facts, Debunking.

The Expert

"We end our Newscast with a happy story tonight."

There are dreams...And then there's reality...

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

'Relax, Wilson-I'm just off to the loo.'

'Apparently, wild hopes and dreams, re-enacted by Barbie and Ken, are no substitute for a solid business plan.'

"Do you ever wish you lived in a different era, Randy?" "Well… every waking moment I wish I were living before the beginning of existence itself. So I could witness the Big Bang." "It's safer to keep me where I am. Injecting my advanced virility into more primitive eras could have disastrous effects on the timeline." "That way I could know for sure whether our universe is all just one big simulation running on some geek's computer." "I mean, everything being made up of atoms and math is

Since I took command of the company, I have steered a steady course.

"We've managed to eliminate every problem except the public perception that we're heading in the wrong direction."

Nearly a third of the earth's life-forms have gone extinct. Cut! Stop with all the facts. This is debate club! But we're using a cable tv talk show format! What should I say? Unsupported opinions

'If you want a reality check, I'll have to see two pieces of I. D.'

"This says you should expect to spend six months and at least $800 building the perfect lowrider bike."

Two computers, smaller one labeled DATA, the larger one, HYPE

'You're so illogical. I can never win an argument with you.'

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

"Tim hasn't felt comfortable coming back into the office but he has sent some of his thoughts."

Conspiracy theories

'Perhaps you've been 'lovin it' a bit too much?'

'Yeah? Well... bite me! No... wait!'

"Till death do us part? Hey, I thought this was just supposed to be a starter marriage!"

Psychiatrist. She said she could help get me in touch with reality or boost my self-esteem but not both.

"You can make your life any way you want it. Don't let your thoughts limit your future. It is possible to achieve your dreams!"

"I believe you were complaining about your cold this morning."

"We will demonstrate that climate change denial blogs cause further global warming."

"Starting at a new agency can be overwhelming. Let me show you around."

'Hey, that line's moving a lot faster!'

'We ran a full DNA test, STR and Mitochondrial analysis... and Bob here 'Googled' it just to make sure.'

'The more successful I become, the less money I make.'