Workplace Psychologist T-Shirts

'We're like a family, here - feuds, infighting, petty rivalries.'

I don't see a future for me in my present job. They don't reward mediocrity.

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"Staff support"

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

How leaders fail

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"Any questions?"

"We can waste time and look for a solution or...just find a scapegoat?"

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

I'm not making enough money to like you.

'I just don't feel I'm getting anywhere.'

Motivation to work

"Look at them smiling. They've reached their comfort zone."

'I've stepped on so many people for the last 20 years to get where I'm at, and I'm still only a middle manager.'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"Well, all the symptoms of just another typical case of burnout, I'm afraid."

'My pessimism keeps me optimistic.'

"Why can't I get anything done unless I'm totally stressed out about it?" "Is it possible to be relaxed and still be productive?" "What is wrong with my brain?" "Why don't you work better?"

Man at desk has a desk tray labeled "In one ear,' and another labeled "Out the other."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"I think we're all agreed that we need to focus 110% on meeting strategic corporate goals."

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

"Meanwhile, obsessing about productivity is way up."

'Not only does he suffer from anxiety, he makes everyone else suffer from it too.'

The role of administration.

"I misjudged you Fenton. I thought you were a 'mover and shaker' but all the time you were just bobbing and weaving."

"Sir, the staff are all assembled for your pep talk."

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

'Apparently you can't fire everybody and still maintain productivity.'

"Someone, call the office and see if we can get a fresh carrot."

Human Recources Management

"After an extensive analysis of your company's strengths and weaknesses our recommendation is to give us more money."

I can outsource your job to someone who'll work longer hours for less money. Less money I can understand...but how do they make the hours longer than 60 minutes?