Workplace Equity Enthusiast Pillows

'You may be the best man for the job, but I have a dozen women who are better qualified.'

"If my male colleague is paid ten percent more than me, does that mean I've literally been giving 110%?"

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

'Here are some bonus checks. Distribute them unfairly.'

"That's a very good suggestion, perhaps one of the men would like to make it?"

"You don't see much in the way of rioting and looting when an unarmed white man is killed by the police."

God bless our home equity line of credit.

Dear (some of) my fellow lefties. . . shut up and get the hell off my side.

Got Rationality?

'What do you mean, you want a coffee break?!'

"I feel your pain. It's the least I can do for not paying you like a man."

"Don't tell me we've got to stay even longer in this godforsaken dump!"

"I want a bigger slice."

'Why are you only paying me 77% of the amount my male counterparts are getting?'

'Income inequality...! You wanna talk about income inequality...?!'

'You're too heavy on metals and too light on equities.'

'Well sir, it's just that running this place has always been a real team effort, and. . . you know. . . we're just not sure it's fair for you to go around calling yourself THE Devil.'

Not a Work Place, A Woke Place.

Equity Table Dance Club

'Look, I agree that you deserve the same salary as your male counterparts, but I have a responsibility to defend the traditional pay structure.'

"Do you really have to rub it in that you've got more cash than I do?"

"There was a time when only the rich went to university... now even they can't afford it."

Fair Tax

"We should decide now whose career will suffer more once I give birth."

'I'm starting to wonder if all my 'Account Executive' got on her broker's exam was nail polish.'

"Sorry, Rudy, no way can I raise your pay to $15 an hour." "Why not?" "'Cause that would destroy jobs. What would you do for a job once I moved the cafe to somewhere where people earn much less?" "If people earn much less, they won't be able to afford your products." "If there's one thing people love more than affording to buy stuff, it's buying stuff they can't afford." "Sweet, innocent Rudy."

'...but what else am I supposed to do between 9 and 5 on a weekday?'

"We're a colourblind company here.. to us you are black and invisible."

'Okay, so they rate the stock a 'strong buy' while we rate it a 'strong sell'. At least we both feel strongly about it.'

'What do you mean I'm not putting in any sweat equity? I sweat every time you give me a bill.'

'I don't see the need to specify.'

Take Your Daughter to Work

"So how do you like working for a woman boss?"