Workplace Comedy Fan Prints

Sign reads: Customer service - Ring bell to be noticed.

"Number four wasn't bad, at least he removed his personal CD earphones for most of the interview."

"Here at Wiblington Social Services we value our staff and respect the need to treat them all as individuals. This for example is individual No. 126GH/89."

'Accounting has calculated how much we've paid you compared to how much work you've done. You owe the company $53, 972.'

Unfortunately, Lyle had already sent nasty e-mails to his boss, three vice-presidents and the CEO.

"...I'm not sure what kind, but I'm certain that you are some kind of an idiot."

Suppliers Accounts - "You'll have to be more careful, that's the second time this month you've paid an invoice on time."

'Building recruitment agency. So far, so good. Now lets hear your wolf-whistling'.

'Let me rephrase that. Go home and sleep on it.'

'I talk the talk but I don't walk the walk.'

'Oh, I've already found a natural born leader. Now I'm looking for someone to follow blindly.'

'Oh and, Henderson. Don't forget to punch your time card on the way out.'

"No decision yet, he's still sleeping on it"

'The budget doesn't allow for a Christmas party . . . . .'

'Ms. Collins, send someone in here to pay homage to me.'

"We want you to induce labor!"

'Mind if I head off a little early today?'

"A broken fingernail does not entitle you to a week off on the company health scheme, Miss Parsons!"

"I appreciate the effort Carl, but I don't think you understand the swarm concept."

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

''Over My Dead Body.' Not a good sign.'

'We like to hire married men because they're used to taking orders.'

"Oh, great. He brought along his office staph infection."

'You asked for a sick note from my doctor, here it is'

'How do you know I'm not working?'

'Cheer up. I hate your job too.'

'Oh, but I did file your tax return, Mr. Slinkmeyer! Right here, under 'T'!'

"She takes all the credit."

NOW HIRING SECRETARY, 'Oh, what the heck -typing is overrated anyway.'

'I have to make your life miserable. I'm in management.'

Ladder and the Saw

"Come in, Malone. No doubt you wondered why I sent for you."

'I may scream at you occasionally. Pay no attention. I may rant and rave...pay no attention...I may even fire you occasionally. PAY ATTENTION!'

'Overslept? You're a cat. How could you possibly oversleep?'

'Our company health plan is quite simple...Elmer Harcourt, in accounting, is a faith healer.'