Working In The Funeral Industry Pillows

"Just to be clear, you want suicide doors installed on your hearse?"

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Joint Ventures!

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

'Wasn't there three of you guys when we started?'

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."

"Mt. Joe Cemetary?"

"It's nice, but how do you adjust the sleep number?''

"You fool! This isn't embalming fluid, this is my coffee."

'Grave rage Vicar, we get a lot of it now.'

Bug Funerals

". . . ashes to ashes, dust to dust, a handful of ground coriander, the zest of a lemon. . ."

"Time to knock off for lunch?"

Dog Park and Pet Funeral Home.

Gravedigger

'We've been invited to a black tie do - your mother has died, dear.'

The final stage of Terminal Political Correctness.

"She looks so natural, although I prefer cremation."

"We were out of embalming fluid so we stuffed your wife with wild rice."

Undertakers' supermarket.

"We're about to go live. Prepare to mourn in 10. . . 9. . . 8. . ."

Funeral Directors signs say 'Sale - Shop till you drop!'

Undertakers Pole

'Someday, someone else will mow this lawn.'

Doorman with Angel Wings

"He had himself pierced once too often."

'Yeah, I've been lucky. My business is pretty darned recession-proof.'

"It's a crying shame, his wife went to visit her mother in Australia and forgot to leave directions to the kitchen"

'As a cemetery worker... I prefer working the 'graveyard' shift!'

'Not everyone is cut out for this business but it's a living.'

'Can I go before you?'

Mixed Up

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