Work Skipper Pillows

"My wife told me to have a good day, so I went fishing instead of work."

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

A private jet takes off

'Don't be so dramatic and get into my office!'

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

'The early bird can have the worm as far as I'm concerned -- I'd rather sleep in and then go to McDonald's.'

"Honestly, sweetheart, they haven't brought out a little Ellen MacArthur set. As soon as they do daddy will get you one."

'You know what they say Mum: The early bird catches the worm! So I'm sleeping in...'

'Here he comes in his jimjams - cutting it fine with out breakfast today!'

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

"Sure, I'll give you a second opinion. I don't think you should stay home from school either."

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

'It's just one thing after another. The minute they let you out of school, the garden starts to produce.'

'I think you'll find that I'm next. . .'

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

The skipper never wears a hat that fits. He's always been afraid of cap-sizing!

Overweight Man With Skipping Rope - To Be Taken 3 Times A Day.

'I hear you played football instead of going to school.'

'I've already marked you absent, Eddie. Go home.'

Shut Yer Yapper and be Happy, Loser! There's a ton of so-called simple self-help books. The five most important questions: 7 habits of highly effective people: 7 steps to living at your fullest potential. Too many steps! She's going to be filthy rich.

'Bed rest and no school for a week. Boy, I like this doctor!'

'The Principal suspended me-- School is the only place in the world where you can get time off for bad behavior.'

Man ignores DIY book and instead reads book entitled: 'Get someone else to do it'.

"My only hope is that they eventually drop math from the curriculum."

'I can't come to school today because I have a barking cough. Wanna hear it?'

"In my defense it is an exit and the line was really long..."

"Basically, we have two options: #1: Do what I want or #2: Endure an excruciatingly dull presentation..."

'Sorry Professor, you're right: I DID skip a line of the instructions...'

Sailing

'What type of line are you using?'

Young against old

Beach Bouncer

'I'm on a great new diet -- I sleep through breakfast.'