Work Skipper Pillows

"My wife told me to have a good day, so I went fishing instead of work."

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

A private jet takes off

'Don't be so dramatic and get into my office!'

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

'The early bird can have the worm as far as I'm concerned -- I'd rather sleep in and then go to McDonald's.'

"Honestly, sweetheart, they haven't brought out a little Ellen MacArthur set. As soon as they do daddy will get you one."

'You know what they say Mum: The early bird catches the worm! So I'm sleeping in...'

'Here he comes in his jimjams - cutting it fine with out breakfast today!'

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

"Sure, I'll give you a second opinion. I don't think you should stay home from school either."

'It's just one thing after another. The minute they let you out of school, the garden starts to produce.'

'I think you'll find that I'm next. . .'

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

'I hear you played football instead of going to school.'

'I've already marked you absent, Eddie. Go home.'

Overweight Man With Skipping Rope - To Be Taken 3 Times A Day.

'The Principal suspended me-- School is the only place in the world where you can get time off for bad behavior.'

'Bed rest and no school for a week. Boy, I like this doctor!'

Man ignores DIY book and instead reads book entitled: 'Get someone else to do it'.

"My only hope is that they eventually drop math from the curriculum."

'I can't come to school today because I have a barking cough. Wanna hear it?'

"In my defense it is an exit and the line was really long..."

"Basically, we have two options: #1: Do what I want or #2: Endure an excruciatingly dull presentation..."

'Sorry Professor, you're right: I DID skip a line of the instructions...'

'What type of line are you using?'

Sailing

'Then that's one child's plate, one special, and one anything-as-long-as-I-don't-have-to-cook-it.'

Young against old

"I'm putting you on a skipping diet. . .Skip cakes and wine."