Witty Workplace Navigator Pillows

"The meeting's at 10. I'll send you a copy of the agenda, the hidden agenda and your personal agenda."

'Thanks for not asking for a rise.'

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

"This position has become very important to the company."

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

I'm a self-made man!

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

How are you at decision making?

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

He used to pass the buck, since being promoted to management he gets to call it delegating authority.

Between Offices

"We should have taken the cubicles."

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

Free Range Employees.

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

"Why do you always assume I'm going down?"

"I'm good at ticking boxes."

'I'm working with a bunch of cavemen.'

"Miss Jones, bring me into the 21st century..."

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

"Pendleton will stay afloat no matter what!"

"No more thinking outside the box Bamford. From now on I want you to do all your thinking inside your box!"

"Gosh, 'inept' seems so harsh. Personally, I prefer the term 'productivity-challenged!'"

'Please Henderson - Not another one of your bright ideas!'

'I was speeding right along toward my goal of moving up from middle management, when a cost-cutting measure overtook me!'

'Where's the fun in being an employer if you can't spontaneously sack someone anymore.'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'Your bonus as promised.'

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."