Wisecrackers Mugs

Smart people learn from experience - other peoples'.

The Guru has left this location after discovering the secret to happiness is better cell phone reception.

There's no physiological reason I'm sleeping less as I'm getting older. I just need more time to find my glasses.

Sign says, 'Thought for the day ... 'EeeeeeYowwww!'

If you're as old as you feel, how come I can't get Medicare

"Hey lad, when I was your age I was so much older than you."

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

'There's more to life than winning. There's also losing - to offset taxable capital gains.'

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

"I want to be street smart so I can be a road scholar."

"'Procreate'! I've climbed all this way to hear that the meaning of life is 'procreate'?!"

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'The only part of my body that defies gravity is my age.'

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."

'A bachelor's? Big deal - I have a MASTER'S degree in enlightenment!'

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

"Of course, that's just my opinion. If you want my professional opinion it will cost you."

'You're getting older... it's a common complaint.'

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

A mental-health spot quiz, Al: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single … Google search of travel websites"?

10 Commandments if God was a Woman...

"Look, you're the one who asked me for some girl advice."

Chameleon humor...'I never metamorphosis I didn't like...'

"Just how many ways are there to skin a cat?"

'Remember, Grindley; Neither a borrower nor a lender be: The real profit is in being the middle man.'

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

'Well, that's a tough question, son. The truth is no one knows what happens when we die, although most religions do believe in some kind of persistent vegetative state.'

'Let's have some fun - Let's order from that place that guarantees pizza delivery in thirty minutes!'

'If wine is 85% water, as long as I leave over 15%, I guess I can drink all I want.'