Wisdom_humorist Pillows

How to know if a guru has been possessed by your third grade teacher's spirit.

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Copycats

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

I will study my speling words...

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

Dog Walking Services

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

Outer Space Outsourcing

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."