Wine Fiasco Fan Pillows

"Sorry, it’s my first day."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"I make it myself!"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

Wine tasting

"Would madam like to sniff the resealable cap?"

Wino Appreciation Group

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

'The first rule of enjoying fine wine is to make sure you and the wine are in the same room.'

'Brand X, the wine for those with indiscriminate taste.'

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

"House red, sir?"

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

Wine: New & Old!!!

"He changed water into wine!"

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

Prosecco Drinker

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

"I find a good cabernet is the best way to put my money where my mouth is."

"It's an unpretentious little wine!"

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

"What wine goes best with vodka?"

'Dear, of course no one can tell you what they think of the wine, you haven't told them how much it cost yet.'

'Seems it all started at a wine-tasting seminar m'lud, nobody brought a bucket.'

"Yeah, he changed water into wine but it was nothing you'd want to lay down."

"I'm getting gnats, I'm getting cats, I'm getting dogs..."

'A 1982 bottle of KMart Beaujolais Nouveau? You shouldn't have, really. I mean you really, really shouldn't have...really.'