Wellness Warrior T-Shirts

"Medicine is giving the eat-drink-and-be-merry model another look."

"It all began with trying to measure project outcomes."

"You've been fooling around with alternative medicines, haven't you?"

Injured heart.

'The secret to happiness is serotonin... Now available for $29.95 in this vitamin supplement which I endorse.'

'Let's ease into this -- I want you to try fasting between meals.'

"You made that diagnosis just to be mean."

"Looks like they've simplified the nutritional information."

Traditional vs alternative medicine.

'You're in extreme danger because you eat too much. . .'

Exercising your heart.

"And how does that make you feel about your father?"

'He's our team doctor, athletic trainer, chiropractor and psychiatrist all rolled in one.'

"Okay, Jaxcsunn, stay still in the crystal circle while I douse you in essential oils."

'You've got to stop living in the past.'

"I'm searching for a happy medium between sitting on a mountain top and eating cheese fries."

"We have heard your demand for preventive health care. These things will now be available in the soda machines."

Shrinks in heaven

"I've warned you about the dangers of a too sedentary lifestyle!"

'It's anxiety. Don't worry, vitamin B happy.'

"I eat a head of garlic each day and have never had a problem social distancing."

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

'Eat a balanced diet, walk daily and make prudent investments.'

'Your last annual check up was eleven years ago.'

'Buy a bottle of these vitamins. If you're strong enough to get the lid off, don't take them.'

Doctor to smiling patient: 'Good news. Your attitude check came back positive.'

'Life was moving along at a nice, steady pace, then I hit middle age and my life hot-flashed before my eyes!'

"It's your choice, medicate or meditate?"

"I'm searching for some fancy terminology I can use to justify why I'm such a complete bitch."

'Mom, do I have to hold my plank through desert, too?'

Health Shops

Man with all kinds of patches to quit things (smoking, alcohol, drugs, coffee, and fun).

'All this do or don't take Aspirin, it's giving me headaches,doctor!'

Over eating...don't do it.

Enormous obesity report.