Weird News Prints

This week in tentacles

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Squeezing the Free Press.

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

Trump pardons

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

"I can't decide what I fear the most, Putin's Russia or Putin's America."

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

Difference of Opinion

Meet the Enemy

"We won!"

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

CIA report

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

A little bird told me...

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

Apart from protest footage I forget what downtown looks like.

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

News Internecine: Murdoch succession battle

Trump Poutine

Laughingstock

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

Loan Alley