Weapons Company Executive T-Shirts

"Remember, if we sell arms to them, and then they turn on us, they will not agree to return everything to us."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

Doug had trouble getting home at a decent hour.

"Well, it looks like the merger is off."

"Thank you for that summation of the charts."

Office slaves.

"My salary app pings when another new male exec at my level is making more than 77% of what I make."

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

Stresses Can Have a Motivating Effect...If They Don't Kill You!

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"The boss is charging. I knew you shouldn't have worn that red tie."

'Something tells me this is going to be a long meeting.'

'And we have an employee wellness program. By not offering health insurance or sick pay, we encourage wellness.'

'It says our line printer is obsolete our remote terminal is obsolete, and I'm afraid, we're obsolete.'

'Coffee must wear you out. They're always sleepy when they drink it.'

"Sir, the staff are all assembled for your pep talk."

'I'm telling ya, it's a jungle out there.'

"What's on my schedule today, Fred?"

"I may be incompetent. But, if you fire me there'll be no one who knows less about this company than you."

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

Responsibility and duties

High Noon at the O.K. Staff Meeting

"No coal here, either - but you never know until you look."

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

'I feel confident about our presentation. If there is any blowback, don't worry. We're both wearing our flak jackets under our suits.'

'Our union contract keeps us from cutting salaries, but nothing prevents us from charging for parking.'