Wealthy Investor Gifts

'He voted for the Green Party -- he thought it had something to do with money.'

"I'm just glad we got out before interest rates went up again."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

Saving for College.

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

'Well, Eddy may look a bit rough, but he's good at heart - last week, he bought stocks from a company which produces cuddly puppy toys in pink ballet dresses!'

Champagne at the hunt

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

"What do you mean, the market rallied?"

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

'The prince and the princess lived happily ever after on their profits from capital-appreciation funds.'

Elevator buttons read: Way Up/up/Down/Way Down.

'He runs a very successful hedge fund.'

'Look at the bright side. Think of our mutual funds going up, up, up!'

Investments: Buy local! Our 'Value' funds are all New York values.

"If you don't bury 10% of your bones, you'll have nothing when you retire."

"This is Thurgood. He specializes in beaten-down stocks."

"Eternity isn't so bad - as long as I can keep track of how my earthly investments are doing."

Buddha Statue: Buy Low, Sell High, Stay Diversified.

'Stocks took a dive when a top economist was overheard saying 'Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.''

"It has yet to turn a profit."

'There's more to life than winning; there's also taking losses as tax write-offs, That's it?'

Are you crazy? ... You make 10 million dollars a year and you want to know the meaning of life?

"I guess I want what everyone wants - a billion dollars for being a jerk."

'Our Community Mental Health Foundation has given us a grant NOT to broadcast the stock market news.'

"Edgar, don't you think it's time you donated a wing somewhere?"

Buy Low and Sell High Gurus

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'the Dow is up'?"

"Do we look like investors in high-tech funds to you?"

'Get Rich' Stock Brokers and 'Get Even' Attorney-at-law.

"Do you want to add something about not trying to time the market?"

The Bull, the Bear, the Ant, and the Grasshopper

'You think cheese will motivate me? No. I want mutual funds.'