Vitality Aficionados T-Shirts

It doesn't reflect poorly on us. We're going gangbusters. We're vibrant. And spicy, like jalapenos. We are fresh as the Kennedys in 1950s springtime!! Wrinkle-free!! Let's jump rope. I would most certainly enjoy hang gliding. What's going on with the geezers? The LK Effect. What? Ever since Larry King announced his retirement, they've been overcompensating. But first a nap. With vigor. I'll retire when they pull the microphone from my dead ... zzzzz.

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

"Your contents have shifted."

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"Winter is coming, and there will be months without much sunshine, so it's important that you take your vitamin D supplement Darling..."

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"It's true: no more burpees."

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

Yoga vs. Prosecco

'Your reflexes are still good!'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"Lets find another beach, this one has too much competition."

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

Corona Funeral