Viral Trend Watcher Pillows

"And now I will attempt to eat a bar of chocolate."

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

Studies show foods work miracles!

Emergency Hipster Beard

Weird things I do because of the internet

"I'll have you know that, '#dirtylitterbox' is trending on Twitter."

On Aug. 3, 1992, the Moon rose over the horizon wearing heavy eye-liner and mohawk. Fortunately it was just a phase.

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

Coronavirus

Evolving Changes in Medical Lingo

'If you're looking for compensatory materialism on wheels, look no further.'

"That's the trouble with cute kittens - they attract a lot of traffic."

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

Final words on gravestones.

'Why don't you use more blue? -- Blue is very popular these days.'

Giraffe Selfie

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

"What are you doing?"

'What's this I hear about you going long?'

An alternative theory as to why dinosaurs are extinct.

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

'Our new simplified energy bills just have a few options starting with 'Grossly inflated' and progressing to the premium 'Bloodsucker' package. . .'

"My new watch has a G.P.S. function but it always puts me in the right place at the wrong time."

"One man with a mustache is manly. Sexy. Magnetic."

#notblessed

"I've been wondering if there isn't some way we could capitalize on the cat craze."

In the not too distant future... "It's a tribal butterfly tramp stamp, honey. Same as yours."

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."