Viral Trend Watcher Pillows

"And now I will attempt to eat a bar of chocolate."

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

Studies show foods work miracles!

Emergency Hipster Beard

Weird things I do because of the internet

On Aug. 3, 1992, the Moon rose over the horizon wearing heavy eye-liner and mohawk. Fortunately it was just a phase.

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

Coronavirus

'If you're looking for compensatory materialism on wheels, look no further.'

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

Final words on gravestones.

'Why don't you use more blue? -- Blue is very popular these days.'

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

Giraffe Selfie

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

'What's this I hear about you going long?'

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

An alternative theory as to why dinosaurs are extinct.

'Our new simplified energy bills just have a few options starting with 'Grossly inflated' and progressing to the premium 'Bloodsucker' package. . .'

In the not too distant future... "It's a tribal butterfly tramp stamp, honey. Same as yours."

"I've been wondering if there isn't some way we could capitalize on the cat craze."

"Which 'ism' am I this week, Ms. Trotter?"

"One man with a mustache is manly. Sexy. Magnetic."

"My new watch has a G.P.S. function but it always puts me in the right place at the wrong time."

#notblessed

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."