Velvet Fashionista Gifts

'Something to go with a new velvet suit.'

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

"I was almost that last year."

Haute Suture

Blue Dress and Feather

Useless add-ons.

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

The Coiffing - to Illustrate poem 'The Ballad of a Barber'

Dog wears t-shirt: 'The Duck Stops Here'

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

Why would a dog wear a hat?

'Do you have anything a little longer in the leg ?'

"Oooooh....a western wear dog cone. Sexy!"

'That's a picture of my granddad with shoulder length hair and a beard. That's why mom calls these albums hair looms.'

'I am SO getting my ass kicked at the dog park.'

"We should start wearing masks."

Street Organ - Monkey

"I travel Prada whenever I can."

"Somehow, some way, we have to guide these people back to reality!"

What bothers me is that my birthday suit now counts as vintage clothing.

A man wearing a ruff and a feather cap

Puss in Heels

Knight walking a dog.

Older woman explains how to see off men with one of her looks

The Mods and Rockers feud had got out of hand

'He doesn't seem to like my haircut.'

'Nice smile.'

Velvety. And so was the wine.

My client vigorously denies your charges. He says he has great respect for what makes you special. He knows that you like Amy Winehouse, watching The Office, secondhand clothes. You're reading off my Facebook page. He knows you're on Facebook. You're both off my friends list.

Amy Winehouse

1870: The accidental invention of 'the selfie'.

Will Curl Lip For Food

Here's eco club's green-prom tip sheet. Let's see. Wear vintage clothing. Buy locally grown corsage flowers. Use biodegradable cups and plates. Eco club. This is so obvious. How about the tough stuff? Ok. Who knows where to recycle gel pads from push-up bras? The place that takes the fake hair extensions?