Veggie Humorist Pillows

Potato having a shave.

'What...and you take the plunge to call this a gourmet restaurant??!'

'I feel rootless.'

'So we're doing a tummy tuck on the aubergine, and an eye-lift on the potato.'

"Which one on table three has gone for the vegetarian option?"

New potato

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

"Two vegans, please."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants.

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

Better Not Squash.

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

"The vegetables have gone bad!"

"I'd better not eat any more broccoli. I'm saving room for spiritual food."

Two vegetarians please.

"Hey, this is just a bun!" "Help yourself to the mustard."

Free salad bar.

"No animals were harmed during this performance!"

A sheep ordering in a restaurant - the sole item on the menu is grass.

At home with the leeches: 'No, you can't have a Quorn tartlet - just drink your blood and be quiet!'

Broccoli reading: 'Coping with Anthropomorphism'.

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

The vegan hunter

Spinach Dating.

"Tell your date you're a vegetarian before he orders that expensive gourmet dinner."

'... And I now insert the brai ... Egor, this is a cauliflower.'

"And your tofu, would you like food with that?"

Rob and Maria dated for months, until the day he realized she was made entirely out of soy.

"I eat green but I don't vote green."

Vegetarian restaurant: 'Two vegetarians please.'