Vanity Aficionados Gifts

"The selfie of Dorian Gray"

"I started plucking my eyebrows, and I couldn't stop..."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Cover Design for the Yellow Book, Vol 3- Street Lamps Lighting a Lady's Toilet Mirror

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Man admiring his patterned clothes in the mirror

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

Man brushing the teeth of his reflection.

'Mommy puts on a disguise every time, before she goes to work.'

Vanity artist

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

TV-Mirror.

"Look at me, everyone! I'm amazing!"

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

'I turn the other cheek more now that Botox has made it wrinkle-free.'

'Get the 'extra hold' bear spray. I want to look good when we come out of hibernation.'

'I like to stay fit. Or at least wear a lot of lycra.'

'I know how you feel.'

"There's something you should consider before you begin—my hair works hard and it plays hard."

Extreme Vanity Press - Fall, 2007

Bill Jones - Bill Jones w/out makeup

Tanning Machine on the beach

'What would you say about me having my spots enlarged?'

Stars Without Make-Up.

'Having limited funds, Irwin goes with the less expensive chest hair transplant.'

The Paper Silhouette Editor

'Ben believes looking suave is the most important part of fly fishing.'

"You're so vein."

Eventually, a point is reached where even the best cosmetic surgery begins to look more like taxidermy gone horribly wrong.