Valentine's Day Gifts

"I don't care if she is a tape dispenser. I love her."

"I miss you too, honey. Now put the dog on."

"Susan, this might be just the wine talking, but I think I want to order more wine."

"You slept with her, didn't you?"

"You are my blue beach glass."

Scenes from a successful marriage.

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?"

French horn.

"I'm sorry, dear. I wasn't listening. Could you repeat what you've said since we've been married?"

Cardiologist Convention: 'Our next speaker will be speaking on other matters of the heart.'

Why dogs make the best Valentines

"Sweetheart, I don't want anyone to make you unhappy except me."

"It'll never work—you're a moviegoer and I'm a film buff."

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

Cat gives bird Valentine's Card.

"Take my hand, my love, and come with me to the cabin, where we can explore each other's naked bodies for ticks."

Dating in Oz

Thoughts

'First date with a logician - These venn Diagrams will save us a lot of time. We'll see where you fit in, where I fit in, and if any of it overlaps'

'You're afraid of commitment, aren't you?'

Let's grow old together!

Who said romance is dead?

The first Valentine...

Happy Valentine's Day

'Of course I care for you. You're the most expensive woman in my life.'

Single malt whisky bottle reading lonely hearts column.

Men. After shelling out for flowers, dinner and a movie, they all expect the same thing: a refund.

And that's why I'm still single!

"I am not being ridiculous! Have you seen our electricity bills?"

"Aren't you glad we stayed in? I had time to order us some more sweatpants."

The Map of the Human Heart

"How do I love thee….? Let me count the ways…" "I'm going to want a recount."

"We can't agree on a size."

"Someone must love someone very much indeed."

"Let me guess – you stayed late at your buddy's place helping him with a, quoth, poem."