Upper Crust Historian Pillows

"Someday, you may thank me for breaking what was becoming, in this family, a viscous cycle of inheritance!"

They're Not Just That Into It

Vote Centrist to Keep Things Exactly as Awful as They Are

Archimedes statue with a lever

'Wentworth Street, Whitechapel'

"Did you remember to back up the last 4.5 billion years?"

He looks so natural lying there...

Inside One's Memory Bank

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

"You think two weeks in isolation is hard?"

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

The Evolution Of Man.

Arthur Schopenhauer

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

"De l'huile bouillante, pas du fromage fondu!"

This Is What Moral Corruption Looks Like

The Great Leap Forward

The Wright brothers discover the first nightmare flight

"Plagiarist!"

"That's my dad back when he was, like, militarized."

The Brief collaboration Alfred Nobel And Thomas Edison

'Could you carve the Commandments in stone? -- otherwise they'll think I made them up.'

Oog is backing up all our files.

'Let your people go? - after all the trouble I went to getting them full employment?'

Uncle Mort, you fought in Korea, right? You think that war will start up again? Not if I can help it. It was the morning of July 27, nineteen hundred and fifty-three. I was pinned down on Pork Chop Hill. My bazooka had run out of ammo. All I could find to load into it was a stuffed panda bear. I loaded it and fired that bear into the maw of the enemy. It struck one of them atop the noggin. Moments later, the armistice was signed. Every July 27th, I awaken at dawn and chuck that same panda at the

Look, Oog and Whonk just invented the intersection.

'Under blood type, sir, could you be a little more specific than blue?'

Sporting snobs talk about hunting on turnpike roads

Worst decision of all time, cont'd.

Eye Off the Ball

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

"That could've been ours. But noooo...You and your DIY."

'One advantage of living through the plagues and wars of the 14th century was that you didn't have to study Chaucer.'

The first 'outside the box' thinker.