Unshorn Humorist Pillows

'How long has it been since you had a shearing?'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"The Eggsorcist"

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

No Soliciting

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

"There will be a Q&A...but in this era of Trump I will be insulting anyone whose questions I don't like."

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

A dog dressed as a cowboy leans against a sign that reads "Armed response".

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'

"It's right here in the brochure: 'Be sure to tip your fishing guide.'"

"Oh, O.K. I can sort of see it."

'Doctor, did you say 5 minutes of traction, or 5 hours?'

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

Artist uses connect-the-dots canvas to paint nude model.

'We can't serve you the businessman's lunch because you don't look the business type.'

"The tricky bit is finding some UK infrastructure that's working to switch it off."

'He always said he wouldn't be seen dead with his shirt outside his trousers - he'll be livid.'

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'