University Lecturer T-Shirts

'Today: The collective unconscious...'

Part-time, Associate, Tenured.

He's got 'I'm in grant renewal heaven' all over him.

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

'Where do you see yourself not getting tenure in seven years?'

"I gave you half credit on your paper ? Franklin did invent the stove, but Jefferson didn't invent the airplane."

'That's it?'

'Brian's a professor of stating the bleeding obvious.'

"Professor Marquez, I was especially dazzled by the 22 hashtags in your monologue."

Grim Reaper teaches dead languages at university,.

absolutely no capital letters beyond this point

Recovering Academics

Tenure Beach/Adjunct Area

Out of work lecturer.

'I'm not wasting my education - I can't afford the bus.'

'It's all a load of Voltaire!'

"Oh no! It's another lecture on his pension contributions!"

"Data is just another way of never having to say you're sorry. You know that, David."

Academic Jeopardy - "Reality divided by two gives us this truth."

Academia Can Kill By Degrees

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

University Challenge

"Free speech? You mean I don't get paid whatever I say?"

Another Degree and Deeper in Debt

'Gromek has discovered the first retreating infinite series.'

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

THE UNCANNY PREDICTIONS OF THE GREAT NOWSTRADAMUS, 'A prominent academic will suggest that females may be intrinsically emotionally different from males... and the feminists will become hysterical.

'Uh oh, you have somehow wandered into the engineering quad.'

'Weren't you one of our leading intellectuals - until you were found out?'

Cambridge Dons homing in at feeding time.

Kardiff.

"I have never ever heard Dante rhymed quite like that with ricochet before. Bravo Professor Firenze, you have moved our hearts!"

"We've scrapped the plan for a debate on the motion 'No Platforming is an infringement of free speech' on the grounds that anyone speaking in favour would be far too controversial."

'I think the professor is trying out the theory of relativity... trying to make time fly!'

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."