Union Jokester Pillows

'Wait, am I allowed to hit him? He's union.'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

Chritmas Party - "What in our own time?"

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

'I recognize the face ... I just can't pin down the name.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

He likes to make work fun

'Tell your boss we represent an independent watchdog committee.'

"Make sure the coffee has extra caffeine. I want the employees awake during overtime."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

"If you really want to get ahead you'll need to stop licking your own butt and start licking mine."

'Don't disturb me - I'm in conference!'

'I think our only choice at this point is to take the next big step.'

'So, paternity leave problem solved then?'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

'Imagine if it was this simple to upgrade our staff.'

"Who's your daddy corporation?"

'Well, I was looking for a yes-man, but I guess a toady will do just as well.'

'If people who have sudden ideas really had light bulbs over their heads, it would be very dark in here.'

'You're one heck of a corporate head-hunter, Ms. Bridwell.'