Udderly Silly Humorist T-Shirts

Set fazers to 'Wet Fart!'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

"Gee, thanks pal."

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Glance Exchange

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"It's just a tree."

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'