U.s. History Buffs Pillows

Fire in Washington

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

Vote Centrist to Keep Things Exactly as Awful as They Are

"You're on a what?!"

'Alone for the weekend at last!'

"I've come across a rather disturbing find, Carstairs!"

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

'Shoot, this is nothing, you should have seen how good we had it back in ancient Egypt.'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

The First Fire Stick

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

Sundial Time

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

"As I see it, 'Crazy politics' - like not voting on a supreme court nominee - is better than a complete government shutdown."

Lord George brings news of the debate

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

"I plan to read the constitution this weekend. Is it long?"

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

"You think two weeks in isolation is hard?"

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

King on the toilet whilst jester laughs because the toilet paper is out of reach.

The Evolution Of Man.

"A Bill of Rights? - Don't you TRUST me?"

Our Founder picture of a caveman: 'We're a very, very old firm.'

I just made up that part. It should really throw people for a loop if they find this place thousands of years from now!

"'Tis but a scratch — in America, I'd still have to go in for work today."

"De l'huile bouillante, pas du fromage fondu!"

Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! I don't want to vaccinate my kids. But my husband does. What do I do? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Mother Cohen and Father Cohen were arguing about vaccinating us kids. Father Cohen accused her of being a pawn of the Illuminati's attempt to use diphtheria to mutate us into ape-people. Mother Cohen accused him of being anti-Darwinian. That's when Father Cohen brought up her illicit fling with Chuck Darwin, and all heck broke loose. Um

This Is What Moral Corruption Looks Like

"Don't make me pull over this mammoth!"

The Great Leap Forward

'Sure, real estate prices are sky-high, but kings don't sell their castles, and that's that.'