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Ornithologist

The Proust of Twitter

Bird Tweet.

'…and remember - around HERE, ‘talk is CHEEP'.'

"Twitter is back! Hurry, hurry, get yer free speech here!"

tRUMp, Pirate President

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

"If he has more than 20 followers on Twitter we call him a 'celebrity'."

'Your tweets have quite a following.'

"But the good news is Trump has broken off diplomatic relations with them only on Twitter..."

"My Twitter account isn't too interesting. It's mostly just a bunch of threats."

'We're looking for something that captures the zeitgeist of the nation...you know, the Great American Tweet.'

Trump goes down tweeting & firing more staff

"These days they prefer to harass me on twitter."

"Jeremy and I are so in sync, we finish each other's tweets."

'It's a tweet from Maid Marian.'

"The tweet you posted last night struck a chord around the world, united all factions, and basically altered the course of humanity."

'Wow, these messages are even shorter than twitter tweets.'

"When did tweeting become such an angry thing?"

Whoever said "Brevity is the soul of wit" must have not read many tweets!

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be taken out of context and put on Twitter and then it'll be a whole thing."

"When I Say Tweet, You Say Tweet!"

"It was his tweets I fell in love with first!"

"If you think you've earned this by consistently retweeting my tweets -- you're right."

Archive for Presidential Tweets

"I tweeted yesterday. 'Sleep with your windows open'. It was liked and shared by 2000 mosquitos."

"So then I thought...who needs speech writers when I can just recite all my old tweets!"

"Just what do you think you're doing, Dave?"

"Hurry - get the family. I think he's about to communicate his final angry retweet."

If a tree falls in the forest but there's no hashtag for it ...

'I occasionally need to read my tweets to remember what I was doing.'

My Fair Lady Twitter

I'm your ghost twitterer. It's a marketing vehicle for your radio show. You're stealing my identity because if you used your own, no one would follow your tweets! You've got 3,000 followers. They're living to read about your every movement. Beating on pause. Beating on pause.

The twittering president.