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"Oh heck, it’s going to be a long night, someone’s pressed the golden buzzer."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Television Readers.

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

"Well, the remote's not dowmn the back of the couch."

T. S. Eliot Meets Beavis And Butthead

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

"I find that hugely offensive!"

TV-Man

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

The city of San Francisco switches from cable cars to satellite dish at a cost of only $79.99 a month for the first six months.

"Do you know any other songs besides the theme to The Andy Griffin Show?"

'Someday TVs will be in big boxes on the floor.'

We saw this episode of Grey's Anatony, I recognize the symptoms.

"I know! Two years without anymore Game Of Thrones?"

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

TV jester.

'We need you to settle a bet -- was 'Twilight Zone' a sitcom or a documentary?'

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

Big screen TV.

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

'Poll results are in...90% of Americans can't spell Schwarzenneger.'

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"Which news channel should we watch?"

A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.

What are you in the mood to get confused watching tonight?

'Have you seen me?' (Brain missing in TV viewer)

"It's wonderful to be away from the rat race. So, what happened on 'CSI: Miami' last night?"

'well, Fred, I see you're finally embracing technology.'

"Bill did the voice-over for this commercial."