Tv Jingle Critic Prints

"Am I covered for the brain cell damage caused by your TV commercials?"

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

Can't Touch This

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

Tarzan has gone into advertising. He's king of the jingle now.

'Side effects may include....'

Christmas TV...

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

Can't Touch This

'Do we want to apply for a credit card that plays the song 'Money Makes The World Go Around' every time it is swiped?'

"Beans, Them Beans, Them Beans, Beans, Beans..."

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

'Every TV show seems to have a lucrative phone-in competition these days.'

'Do you want to watch the weather/natural disaster channel, the nuclear proliferation channel, or the gun violence/Kennedy assassination channel?'

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

"I suppose we have Judge Judy to thank for all this."

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

Tonight, on the microwave channel... chicken pot pie!

'In an unexpected development, an illegal alien won 'American Idol.''

A TV tank

Silly News.

'Here's veteran pundit Edwin Shrock to sound off og whether any other pundits actually know what they're talking about...'

Sherlock Holmes' tax return

'Even I didn't realize it was a disease.'

"TV violence made him do it. Says he'll name shows if we drop the charges."

'It's a new reality show about a reality show producer...'

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'