Tuition Fee Critic T-Shirts

'It cost a mint to educate him. If you want his opinion, you'll have to pay for it.'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

'Our new simplified energy bills just have a few options starting with 'Grossly inflated' and progressing to the premium 'Bloodsucker' package. . .'

"I don't mind them counting the days 'til school's out, but I wish they wouldn't do it on their fingers."

"I dreamed last night that I was furious at you for charging me for missing last week's session. What do you think it means?"

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

"Buy stock in a college?...I don't think you can...but why would we?"

Cash For Places - Penbroke College

Moanathon.

Inflating assets to get a loan. Too poor to pay taxes

'Thank you, sir. NEXT, PLEASE!'

"The Feds have authorized me to leave your child behind."

'The latest on the tuition front. Next year nobody will be able to afford college.'

'How did I become Vice-President? You ask...I came up with the logest list of fees to charge bank customers.'

'This off-shore tax avoidance isn't as glamorous as I thought it would be.'

Class of 2015

'If we could just get rid of a few of these lecturers and students, we'd have a great university on our hands.'

"Classic ballcap $79.95. White, black, red or blue. Adjustable. One size fits all."

'Lincoln Standardized Test Center - formerly Lincoln High School'

Standardized Testing

"Expensive? Yes, but I don't exploit my mother."

Cutting Room Floor

Are You a Welfare Leech?

"The last person you should be listening to regarding school reopening....

'He's been persuaded to change his behaviour in response to the Government's green taxes.'

"Yes, you are speaking to university admissions!"

'You don't think you were a bit harsh on that school?'

'Did you really? I flunked out of Bob Jones, too!'

Gas prices

'If you miss a payment, we will teach you a lesson.'

"These days we try not to focus on 'facts'."

'Fixing parking tickets is a local matter.'

'Blimey - they're not bringing back corporal punishment?'

'While the campus master plan does not provide for one, it does not rule out the possibility of a COSTCO.'