Trivia Aficionado Pillows

"You are David Richards. Your chosen topic tonight is dinner party conversation and your time starts now...How long did it take to get here and by what route?"

Robot Billionaire

King Solomon goes on "Jeopardy!"

"Sire, the triviameister with the bimonthly quiz."

'Joan of Arc? Was she Noah's wife?'

"It's your turn to answer the door."

"Miss, was Joan of Arc married to Noah?"

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

Zombie standup

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

"What's a patent?"

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

Easter Island legs

"Cat box"

Love at First Sight

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

"Of all the buildings I've designed, it's probably the most handsome."

The Fourth Little Pig

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

'Why don't you just pull over and let them pass already?!?'