Tree Trainer Pillows

Gardening Tips - training fruit trees can greatly increase their yield

"You say it all the time, so I climbed every tree to prove it. You were right, money doesn't grow on trees."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"First time pruning?"

"Any questions?"

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Any questions?"

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

"When did she start crawling?"

'The forest is so dark and gloomy: It's nice to reach the emergence and get a bit of sunshine...'

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

Rockabye Baby- $10/hour.

"I don't actually talk, I just mimic sounds."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

'Any wilderness skills besides making smores?'

Hanging off every word...

"I believe I can create a great presentation if I can only tap into my cognitive dissonance."

Quality Control

"Excuse me a moment, whilst I just change hats."

"Just go with the workflow."

"The GOOD news is that 94 people want to attend the leadership training, the bad news is that 64 of them want to change the venue, 56 the time and 45 want to be course leader."

'First of all, relax.'

'Let's go! Let's go! Hustle! ...Relatively speaking.'

Targets.

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

The Games Man: He spends many hours studying minute aquatic flies...which his trout very rarely eat.

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

'I hope that training aid doesn't give him the idea that bigger laptops could mean more output.'

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'I sort of thought your presentation was going to be in powerpoint.'