Travel Guru Pillows

"If I promise to come back serval times, can I get the group rate?"

'Due to the job cuts, you've been upgraded . . .to pilot!'

Lost in the desert.

Spend your money & leave.

"Excuse me while I check the small print!" (Using a microscope).

'Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be pulling up the beverage cart momentarily...please ensure to tuck in your elbows, knees, toes, shoulders, feet, ankles, hips, shins, buttocks, backs, calves, heads, necks, faces, bags, laptops, shoes, loose change, purses...

'Good news, Alec - our flight's gonna be at least two double scotches late!'

'Hi, I'm a professional airport greeter. That'll be fifty bucks.'

Hidden fees on hospitality sites

'He's determined to go where his bags go!'

'Hopefully these sessions will help you to adjust to flying economy.'

'If you hold this to your ear and dial 0976854 you can hear the sea.'

'Are we there yet! Are we there yet! Are we there yet!'

"What!?"

The first known case of lost luggage from an airplane.

"Everything's commercial these days."

"On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate our echo?"

"No, this isn't the airport. When is the last time you updated your GPS?"

'Apparently Papua is the New Guinea.'

Reality Wagon Train

"Have you tried Trip Advisor?"

"The price is right, the scenery is beautiful. As long as you don't mind it's about to be invaded by Russia..."

When molecular biologists travel

"Do you think I'll still make my connection?"

"Can we use my GPS, dad? Yours is outdated, and it doesn't talk."

Along the Thames, Where the Tourists Roost

'Have you read the surcharges list, 1% on sunglasses, 2.5% on suntan lotion, 3% on swimming trucks, no charge on trashy novels under 2oz.'

Crime Wave.

"Of course, you get two bags of peanuts."

'Sorry, Sir... but she won't fit under the seat.'

'Does anyone here know how to land a Boeing 747?'

The Undeniable Spirit of Tourists

Travel looks strong!

I don't like the looks of this airline.

"As the owner of a hotel chain, I found being shipwrecked quite a challenge."