Touchdown Strategist Prints

'We're a coalition force, ref.'

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

'You should have taken up the game earlier.'

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

Input From The Front Office

American Football.

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

"My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick-boxing!"

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

Football.

'He's checking with his agent to see if it's okay to score a try!'

"Misery, torment, N.Y. football"

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

"Oh, wait. He's on their side."

"Let's do exactly what these pundits in the halftime report said we should do. If we lose, we'll blame them!"

Before instant replay.

"You're back! You're really back...!"

'Governor game change and his replacement debate moderators...'

'He hibernates between superbowls.'

Fish to angler: 'Nice try, pal, but I know plastic and feathers when I see them!'

"Junior, there's more to life than winning. There's also getting compensation for closed-head injuries."

Friendly fire!

Football

'I hate it when they use invisible line.'

'No slapping, Wilson! We don't start full-contact drills until tomorrow!'

'After all these years of purposely losing to the boss, I beat the pulp out of him and turned in my resignation.'

'Whoa! Don't try to be a hero. It's too late for Dan, but let this be a lesson...'

'Hurry, hurry! What's he saying?'

'Quick! Play dead!'

"Good news, you are virus free and should be able to resume hitting each other in the heads as hard as possible this fall."

Just sitting here kicking field goals (smiley face emoji)

"A four-year, $60 million contract and he can't even do a decent end-zone dance!"

"Sometimes I think all this post game analysis has gone too far."

'Get the stretcher! He's got a mole on his leg that looks a little funky!!'