Tortoise Fan Mugs

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

'It's an interesting effect: I tend to walk faster when I'm listening to Rock & Roll...'

Turtle/tortoise

Three lanes of traffic with the first two lanes crowded with turtles. The third lane (to the left) a couple rabbits speeding along without any traffic. An easy pass sign has carrots replacing dollars.

Tortoises: 'I'm going to the restaurant.'

'I was 'Sweatin' To The Oldies', and I flipped over on my back!'

'Don't you think its time you packed in doing press ups?'

'I'm giving my tortoise a white knuckle ride!'

Tortoise steals dogs bone.

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

"Eat my dust!"

Blind man walking a tortoise.

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

"Kid!! We know you're in there!!! Either come out or commence to fightin'!!!!"

'Caution Speed Bump Ahead.'

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

Newborn bird sees tortoise and starts wearing shell.

Man in a tortoise shell visiting a psychiatrist.

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

'Thanks to the internet, I can telecommute a few days a week now: I don't need to waste so much time travelling...'

'...and cut the croc stories, I know you're just trying to make this dull trip exciting.'

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

'Oh, that's Corky's way of saying hello.'

Yeah, the commute is killing me too: I live a full kilometre away...

Croc feed machine contains chickens for feeding crocodiles at croc farm.

'Multiple personality.'

Brexit Tortoise

'170 years old - and they look that age from day one!'

'Calm down darling... now what do you mean the tortoise has gone berserk?'

'Just putt the dang ball, already!'

"I've downsized."

"Sorry, but it is not negotiable! You have to let Tim clean your teeth twice a day!"

'How's the egg?' '.Turtle crawls out'