Tiny Trooper Pillows

'Does this get me a purple heart?'

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

'Halloween is just around the corner, kids. Have you decided what are you going to wear?'

Lanes Closed for the Hell of It

'Sharon's into genetic engineering!'

School trip little porters.

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"Trust me – she's a witch."

"They say it's the first sign of aging - not being able to keep up with new technology."

"I said 'I quit'. Nobody listens to me any more."

"Who do you want to replace when you grow up?"

"You car pool guys will be going down together for x-rays."

"'Holy cow... She can't spell for #!@*. Is that a 'T' or an 'L'? This entire letter is a grammatical nightmare!"

'Something comfortable with good arch support and a cushioned heel. He wants to run away from home.'

'Are you nodding in agreement, or falling asleep?'

Astronomical observations.

"I spilled the beans last night so I wouldn't have to eat them."

'-and who's next?'

The Baby Mechanic

Super Bowl Monday

"Easy with that computer, Martha. It senses fear."

"I have inoculation issues."

I love my violin

'To think what I loved about you was your old-fashionedness.'

A child making an assumption based on appearances.

Do you know if your business has the right leader?

'If all children are natural-born scientists, society might be wise to at least quarantine the subset of these scientist-infants who are the atomic weapons specialists, before they kill us with their crazy little lunchbox nukes.'

"Don't grind your teeth. That's my job."

"You can always tell the pediatricians."

'No donation is too small. Just fold it up and drop it in.'

Flight Departures

'I know you're in there.'

'So that's what they mean by 'shop until you drop'.'

"O.K., trick or treat, please. Don't mess with me, lady - I'm on a sugar high."

Trench-digging job