Tiny Food Critic Gifts

'Never, ever give the benefit of doubt to a Brussells sprout.'

Treat at the Colinderies.

Hangry

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

6 Brothers Falafel

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

"Even when he throws them on the floor, he doesn't want the peas and carrots to touch."

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"I'm so proud - she's already learning her shapes."

"Maybe if we added some pumpkin spice?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"War is hell and so is this soup."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Rump roast?"

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

'Needs salt!'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

'Strained carrots again! What am I being punished for this time?'

Hashimoto's Restaurant - Sushi Like Mother Used to Make!

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

Pastry Hat