Timeout Philosopher T-Shirts

Doing timeout changes a guy.

"Trust me kiddo, even donkey's years fly by way too fast..."

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

"According to my phone, society is on the brink of collapse, but, according to our living room, things seem pretty O.K."

'Water cooler's really busy this time of day,'

Childhood Screen Addict

Children's games and technology

"Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock, tick tock."

"Sorry for the wait - I hope it wasn't too long."

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

'Time-outs might have more meaning when I learn to tell time.'

"You seem very remote."

'I suppose you're wondering why you're not on it!'

Trust your instinct...listen to that little haunting voice that gives you subtle messages...'call in sick.'

"Sometimes I wish they'd never perfected setless television."

'Please stand by. You have temporarily lost your picture. Broadcasting will resume when you have finished your homework.'

"All the poetry I have inside me is being eaten by my vampire phone."

"If I ever feel that life's moving too fast, I just stand in the prescriptions queue..."

Train Arrivals

Shaker Timeouts

"If space-time has four dimensions, we can deduce that screen time is the grand unifying theory of everything."

"Mom wasn't impressed with my suggestion that we 'agree to disagree'."

"I took your advice and went on a strict month-long diet, but I only lost 30 days."

'Half past zen.'

'All I hope for is that the weekdays don't ruin my weekend.'

First Church: Today's Sermon - Sinners Looking At Their Smartphones Instead of Listening To The Sermon Will Go Straight To Hell.

Mum sitting in play pen while kids run riot.

'Rumor has it, Beegley, that you don't smoke - you just like to get outside to goof off...'

Turtle timeouts. And when you think you can behave, I'll be back to flip you over. (Published originally on May 21, 2003.)

Assisted suicide.

"You realise, in cosmological years, we're not very old at all."

Railroad Crossing. It's the last official weekend of the summer, Ernie. For me, summer has always been like a passing train. When I was a kid, both trains and summer went by at a leisurely pace. Ding! Ding! Ding! Now that I'm much older, summer is like a modern bullet train ... it's just a blur that seems to be gone in an instant!

"Either you give up all that unhealthy stuff and live another 30 years or you go on as before, have a blast for about 10 or 11 years and then die happy, satisfied and drunken."

"Don't let the new boss catch you having a cigarette break...there's a rumour he watches his staff like a hawk!"

"Beats hanging around the water cooler."