Theme Park Tourist T-Shirts

Man in bumper car sees traffic cop on bumper-car style motorcycle

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

End the Winter Blues

'Miss Carruthers, check and see if we have an extradition treaty with Disneyland.'

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

'I'd like my £2.50 back'

"The lakes are getting more like a theme park."

'I'm sick and tired of your mood swings, Frank!'

Rollercoaster opens when it is still being built.

Tunnel of TV

"Tunnel of love"

"Look—you can't say we don't give them fair warning!"

Tunnel of Like.

The ride with the shortest lines at disneyworld...

"Hey! I can see the Empire State Building!"

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

'...Please stop the...'

Tunnel of Whale Guts

"Didn't read the book, missed the movie, but I've been to the theme park."

Riding the Rollercoaster.

Children sitting in bumper cars playing on their cellphones.

Tunnel of like.

Funnel of Love.

"Why are we eating all this fattening stuff? Pier pressure."

"Now this is a dog park!"

The Big Game Park

Cliche Amusement Park. This park is no fun at all --- It's too much like real life! Look, that ride is called "The Emotional Roller Coaster." Over there is "Life's Ups and Downs"! ... and "The Mood Swings"! Look! The good old "Tunnel of Love"! Finally! A ride that's just a fun escape! Out of ardor. "Out of ardor" --- More real life. (Published originally Sept. 4, 2005.)

"It's more relevant than some of the other theme parks we've been to."

Stock Market Roller-coaster.

Mine Shaft of Love.

Summer Outing Planning

Tunnel of Spotty Wi-Fi

Killer whale with dead trainer

'Tunnel of love, in a cold climate'