The Promise Keeper Gifts

How to keep promises.

A child interrupting family prayers

Mother's Love

'How long have you been fighting?'

Uncle Mort, you fought in Korea, right? You think that war will start up again? Not if I can help it. It was the morning of July 27, nineteen hundred and fifty-three. I was pinned down on Pork Chop Hill. My bazooka had run out of ammo. All I could find to load into it was a stuffed panda bear. I loaded it and fired that bear into the maw of the enemy. It struck one of them atop the noggin. Moments later, the armistice was signed. Every July 27th, I awaken at dawn and chuck that same panda at the

'Well, that WAS an impressive string of obscenities, but I think I'll stick with the Hippocratic oath.'

"We're studying the legal principles of 'crossing a heart and hoping to die'."

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

"When you promised me a lift home...."

This is your last warning, Jimmy - You break your pinky promise, we break your pinky.

'New Years Resolutions, paragraph 45, clause iv in which we will attempt to clarify the term 'butter buttocks'.'

"I'll do whatever it takes to save this marriage. Even if that means having to work weekends."

"It's up to you to keep the dream alive."

Fortune teller has a diary for 2017

How To Keep Promises

"Howard may have a few miles on him, but I'm not ready for a trade-in just yet."

'Yes, your wedding vows are still binding even if you DID get married during the Clinton administration.'

Happy New Year!

'I'm here to sign up for a membership since the muscle shirt didn't work.'

"I don’t care if your daughter gave it to you for Father’s Day, Glen – get rid of it."

Gym Resolutions

"If only he made goals all of the time instead of just at the beginning of the year."

'No way you're ever going to comply with all of THAT!'

"A statue was built in his honor because he actually delivered on his campaign promises."

'Have you ever seen that TV ad, 'Help, I'm sitting around gossiping and can't shut up', Timmy?'

"Tom..Tom, you promised not to flame my parents..."

'Sorry, but pinky swear doesn't cut it anymore. My attorney has a few documents for you to sign.'

"Every Christmas you make a lot of primises you never keep, why don't you become a politian."

'Pinky swear doesn't cut it anymore. My attorney has a few documents for you to sign.'

"And do you, Jane, take Hank or the mystery box your mother is holding?"

"If I promise to take you on a fact-finding junket to Bermuda, I'll have to promise to take every voter to Bermuda."

Magus the Cat. 1992-2010. Thanks for the meowmories.

'Children are out of the question, Margaret. One day all this would be theirs and I just couldn't stand that.'

A Commitment Addict

Gym'll Fix It