Texture Tactician Mugs

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

"My hackers just collapsed your country's economy."

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

"Charles didn't like tofu."

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"Memo to self - personalise new work-station."

Texturing the Walls

Copywriter's blank paper compared to the gridded screen of a content provider.

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

Hairstyles

Human males marking territory.

"Something's trying to get through the Astroturf!"

'Boy, look at his personal space!'

"The tissues are for crying."

"Sorry, Man! I had no idea Alexa would be here!"

'Oi, do you mind, trying to speak to my colleague - two self service tills having a chat together.'

"It has come to my attention that there's a traitor in our midst."

The 18-hole course is to the left and a 9-hole course is to the right --- Which do you want to play? I'll decide after my first tee shot?

I've left your pin on the map, but I've loosened it.

'Sir, our sales force has just taken Atlanta.'

Stone Age

'Is it just me, or is it REALLY temperate in here?'

This Amount of Computer Code

"I'll introduce you to important people like Jim, the custodian. He controls the thermostat."

They're inflatable trade barriers!

Wi-Fi password?

"You're right. . . Maybe it is time we did something about the office heating."

Devil reading ransom note: We have your thermostat.

GREENLAND

Helms Burton Titulo III

'We want the kids to buy it so we can't play up the fact that it's educational in nature.'

What happened to your market share? Let me peel the 'Made In China' sticker off my new crystal ball and I'll tell you.

'I'm very concerned about the surveillance society.'

"I think the cots go in the tent!"