Television Salesperson Pillows

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Rachel Maddow?'

"On, off, dumb, dumber."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

Larry's used art

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"Now here's one that has the glamour above the table."

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

ACME INDUSTRIES NEW PRODUCTS DIVISION, 'The best part is, it can repossess itself!'

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

"Thanks for walking a mile in my shoe but it's beginning to hurt now."

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

A man peddles U.S. flags on the sidewalk, next to a man peddling copies of the U.S. constitution

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

Toadstools

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

'We're making progress. I just got a firm 'maybe'.'

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

'The sunglasses idea would have worked if you hadn't started snoring.'

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

Special offer on snakeskin ties.

"Most of these pelts were suicides."