Telephone Humorist T-Shirts

'My Mom was a call girl - and retired after 20 years at the phone company.'

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

1-800-L-E-PHANT

Sorry I missed your call – I was on the other line.

Telephone Bills

"You're going to put me on hold? OK, I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm sorry, you're very faint. Could you pant a bit louder please?"

Do I have a time to take a quick survey?

'Can you do anything else?'

'And just why would we need caller I.D.?'

'I don't care what long distance carrier we have, mister. I don't know anyone past Oak Street.'

'Hello, you're through to the swine flu advice line. How can I help you?'

'We won't be bothered by telephone solicitors anymore. I changed our number to a 900 number.'

"I'm sorry, sir, but you have the wrong number. Yes, I'm sure this is the wrong number. Listen, Mister...have I ever lied to you before?"

"In the name of all that is good, I cast thee away from this home...leave these people be!"

Bird Calls

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

'What's PPI and how did you get this number?'

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

Cold caller.

"You have reached the Office of Status Quo. Relax. No need to listen carefully. Our menu options never change."

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

'I won't be taking any more calls today. I threw my phone out the window.'

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

'I wish to complain about 'Heavy breathing calls'.'

"This is the New York 'Times' Business Poll again, Mr. Landau. Do you feel better or worse about the economy than you did twenty minutes ago?"

'Please hold for an eternity...'

'I called Louis XVI and Robespierre answered!'

iPhone Senior

You are on hold. Press One for Vivaldi...

'Sorry, I missed your call. . . I'm either goofing off at the fax machine or telling someone what I did over that weekend...'

"I'll have my people call your people."

"Hey, Tarzan – no need to yell."