Technology Gifts

Due to privacy concerns Santa no longer sees you when you're sleeping, or when you're awake.

"He's an indoor cat."

'Well, this looks like the spot where your bandwidth is getting all clogged up.'

Zumma Cum Laude

"Alexa, what fresh hell are we in for today?"

"I'm sorry- I can barely hear you with this goddam ocean behind me."

"I had my own blog for a while, but I decided to go back to just pointless, incessant barking."

"We began with a hip replacement and just sort of riffed off that."

"For Father's Day, I'm giving my dad an hour of free tech support."

Ten Months Later

"For God's sake, Edwards. Put the laser pointer away."

People crossing the street while texting use white canes.

"Maybe you should disable your cookies, Steve."

"If only I'd thought to take my damn phone with me, I could be getting some work done."

"Remember, as soon as his boss joins the video conference, it's showtime."

"I think we're named after computer passwords."

"He looks so natural."

"Sorry, guess I didn't get the email, the DMs, the Snaps, the Facebook comments, the LinkedIn messages, or the TikTok duets."

'You mean nobody knows where they put the fuse box?'

Dog using MP3 player scowls at dog that's still listening to gramophone player.

Cutting out the middleman

Christmas Technology

"Hi. My name is Barry, and I check my E-mail two to three hundred times a day."

'I gotta go - we're discussing my compulsive communicatoins disorder.'

'Oh, this is just great... Now how am I going to get a Wi-Fi connection?'

"I've invented the wheel but I don't want anybody to know about it yet."

"All I'm saying is now is the time to develop the technology to deflect an asteroid."

'And then I just hit delete. I haven't actually eaten any homework in years.'

Rocket Science: The online course.

'Did you try unplugging it and plugging it back in?'

'Grandpa is showing us how they sent a text when he was a kid.'

"The boss wants me to create a computer algorithm that converts hindsite into foresight."

"They don't appear to want to take over. They just want to dance."

"One question: If this is the Information Age, how come nobody knows anything?"

'I found some information in this book for my school paper. How do I click 'print'?'